Sunday, June 26, 2005

A Few Rules About Driving In L.A.

Please follow these rules when driving in L.A. It will make YOUR life easier. The lives of the people driving around you easier and reduce the chance that you'll piss off that one driver who's packing heat...

  1. A speed limit is a speed LIMIT for everyone. Cars travelling at safe speeds are not doing that to give you something to slalom around as you get to your destination at 80 - 90 MPH. I don't gave a flyin' rat's ass if there's a pot of gold at the end of your destination. Risking your life and the lives of everyone else just for an adrenaline rush is not right. You think you're "Too Fast, Too Furious"? You're actually "Too Dumb, Too Stupid".

  2. On the converse, do drive with SOME speed. If you're on the freeway, where the speed limit is usually 65 MPH, don't you think puttering along at 25 MPH is a little TOO slow? WHY are you driving so freakin' slow? If you're terrified of freeway traffic, then DON'T get on the freeway!! Last time I checked, there's really not that much interesting stuff on either side of the freeway to warrant you slowing down to take a look. And if it's that interesting, get off the freeway and take a really good look! Hawaii has it right -- they actually post a Minimum Speed Limit. Go slower than that and you can get a ticket.

  3. The right turn lane is a TURN LANE, not a PASSING LANE. Yes, we all hate traffic jams on surface streets. It takes a lot of patience to not only sit in slow traffic but also have to wait out all the traffic signals that make getting to your destination a long, arduous journey. But you do NOT have some extra priviledge that allows you to bypass chunks of traffic by moving into the right turn lane, then blasting forward into the traffic when the light turns green. Again, that just makes you stupid. When I see someone attempting that, I'll always stick my vehicle out a little into the lane so the other person can't pass. You're gonna wait your turn along with everyone else. (But what about people who are actually turning right?? -- Trust me, you get good at filtering out the legitimate turners from the dorks).

  4. If you're driving, take your cell phone and shove it up your ass. Do not. Do not. DO NOT talk on a cellphone while you're driving. If it's urgent, pull off into a parking lot and finish your conversiation. My life is worth more than you finding out what you're having for dinner tonight. I've been near one too many drivers who are weaving and driving like they could blow a sobriety test because they're more focused on their phone call than on the road.
So, unless you don't mind that fact that one day the driver you piss off will have no problems blowing your head off with they gun they're packing (this is L.A. -- the chance of this happening is much greater than dying in an Earthquake), I suggest you drive safely and know that you'll get to your destination... eventually!

Only In L.A.

So I'm driving to another city during lunch time last Thursday when I hit a noontime traffic jam on the freeway.

Usually, when you hit a non-rush hour traffic jam, there's been an accident.

Well, usually.

Why did we have a traffic jam THIS time? Because everybody had to slow down to look at the big rig on the side of the road with the two Batmobiles parked on it. These looked like the Batmobiles from the Tim Burton version of Batman.

Either way, I dare folks in the Midwest to have a traffic jam due to Batmobiles!

Sunday, June 19, 2005

Bridezillas

Watched a show tonight called "Bridezillas" about women who pretty much have major meltdowns planning their weddings.

Good freakin' lord, I'm so happy I'm not married to a person like that!! My wife organized the wedding and was 100% calm through the whole thing.

Makes you wonder if these women actually want to be married or if they just want to go through the event of a wedding?

Thursday, June 16, 2005

New Music!

This week's new CD: The Foo Fighters!



Two CDs of wholesome, crunchy goodness.

The most surprising track is the duet between Dave Grohl and Norah Jones. On paper, it sounds outlandish -- how could it work?? -- yet it does. It definitely sounds like something that fits more on Jones' album, but it's very good.

Overall, I prefer the rockin' disc. The acoustic disc, while good in spots, has too many songs that sound similar.

Whole Lotta Shakin'

Wow. We've felt two quakes in the past week.

One of them hit while I was in a meeting with all my co-workers. You can instantly tell who was born in L.A. or has been living here awhile. When the room started to shake, nobody moved, nobody batted an eye, nobody freaked out.

Instead, they followed the basic workflow for experiencing an earthquake in L.A.:

  1. The rumbing starts.
  2. Wait to see if it gets stronger.
  3. If it gets stronger, stand under a doorway.
  4. If it doesn't get stronger, gab about it for a few minutes, then get back to your life.
It's that simple!

Sunday, June 12, 2005

Chivalry Is 95% Dead

Chivalry is ALMOST dead.

We guys rarely open doors for women. We rarely pull their seats out for them at the restaurant. We rarely do anything that would be called "chivalrous" anymore.

Except for one thing...

Have you ever noticed that MOST of the time when a lot of people are waiting for an elevator, when it finally arrives, the women ALWAYS get to go on first? And when you're on the elevator and it arrives at your floor, you always let the women off first?

What is it about the elevator that has managed to trigger that last remnant of chivalrous urges in the human male where it fails to ignite everywhere else?

Real People

There's a couple of shows on TV that my wife enjoys watching (and I tend to peer in on from time to time) that shows real people in real situations.

The first is "Cheaters" where one mate suspects that their current boyfriend/girlfriend/wife/husband is cheating on them. The "Cheaters" crew, with the sleuthing skills of the FBI, follow the cheater as they quickly build a case against themselves. Once they have enough evidence, the "Cheaters" team shows the jilted made the evidence and ambushes the cheater so that they and their jilted mate can have it out (usually in authentic "Jerry Springer" style).

The best part of this show is watching the cheating mate get ambushed. They're responses range anywhere from tap-dancing around the truth, coming up with wild excuses, blaming the jilted mate for their cheating, and getting violent (one time the host [the HOST!] was stabbed).

The other show is "Clean Sweep" in which a hapless couple whose home looks like a dumping ground for items gets to sort through their crap and reduce it down to a manageable size, while the "Clean Sweep" team remodels two of their rooms.

The thing about this show that's fascinating is HOW many people live in such junk-filled homes. I sometimes wonder if, while - yes - their houses are cluttered, the producers of the show take all their junk, fill the two target rooms with everything and make them look like crazy, junk hoarding shut-ins. Regardless, it's very cool to see them willing (mostly) to part with all their excess junk and, on the whole, the remodeling jobs have been decent.

Tuesday, June 07, 2005

New Music!

(aka, I'm just a CD junkie in denial)

Coldplay - X & Y.



Same old. Same old. Doesn't break any new ground. The result? If you like Coldplay, you'll like the album. If you don't like Coldplay, then you'll probably not care for the album. I like Coldplay. I like the album.

Black Eyed Peas - Monkey Business



Enjoyable, mindless party music. As long as you don't look for something deep and meaningful, you'll get a kick out of it. The only song I didn't like was "My Humps", which is just downright embarrasing.

Six Flags Magic Mountain Person...

If you've watched TV in the Los Angeles area, I'm sure you've seen commercials for Six Flags Magic Mountain featuring this old, old guy that perks up into an insane happy dance to coax people to the theme park.



So, somebody... anybody... please tell me WHO this guy is supposed to be???

Saturday, June 04, 2005

Random Dribblin's

Just catching up on the news on the Net.

This whole Quran (or Koran) scandal... c'mon now - you KNOW the Gitmo guards were doing all kinds of abuses. It's like watching children getting busted for shoplifting, then trying to come up with some excuse that, while admitting the shoplifting occured, it occured for some legitimate "act-of-God" reason.

The best of the stories was one detainee who, along with his Quran, were splashed with urine through a vent. How? Well, the guard had to go wee-wee outside and somehow (SOMEHOW!) the wind caught his urine and splashed it through the vent. I wanna see a scientific recreation of this!!

You may not like what the detainees did. You may not believe in their philosophies. But there should be some basic rules of treating another human being, REGARDLESS of what they did. One of those rules is you don't damage a source of someone else's faith. Did anyone ask the guards that may have tossed a Quran on a pile of wet laundry what they would have thought had they been detained and had one of their guards toss a Bible on a pile of wet laundry??

This kind of treatment will not go very far in ending Terrorism. It only enforces the terrorists' beliefs that we're some kind of Godless devil whose only goal is to destroy Islam. When it boils down it, we're all just human beings on the same planet. Each of us should take the initiative, even if it goes against the current societal norm, to treat everybody with respect and know that within each person, the potential for extreme good exists. THEN, and only then, will we finally start making a dent in terrorism.

There was a cool article in Wired (via Boing Boing) noting that the people caught in the Twin Towers who DIDN'T listen to the authorities (who advised them to stay put and wait for help) were the ones who had a better chance of surivial! Link.

Thursday, June 02, 2005

Hair Bear Bunch Expands

Lookit who joined the Hair Bear Bunch!!

More New Music...

Got the new one from Oasis on the basis (hey, it rhymes!) of the generally positive reviews.



Y'know, it's pretty good. Despite the fact that I've always thought the Gallagher brothers were a pair of wind-bagged, egotistical, brawling blowhards, this is a enjoyable chunk of bombastic rock n' roll. As long as you don't compare it against their first two discs, you should enjoy it.

I prefer to do that -- not compare a band's latest CD against their prior ones. Each disc should be able to stand up on its own. The minute you compare the disc against other discs (especially ones that have reached the level of "Mythical Classic"), the new disc ends up with an unfair disadvantage of having to try and live up to the past as well as itself. It's like a younger sibling always being compared to their more successful older sibling!

Next week's the new Coldplay CD -- most are heralding it like it's the second coming of the Beatles and the single CD that will save the music industry for all enternity. We'll see...

I Love L.A.

Where else in the world do people build houses hanging over hillsides that get routinely ravaged by rains, fires, and quakes and yet sit back in their comfy chairs secure in the thought that "Oh, that wouldn't happen to me", until they're bolting out the front door to watch their home merge with their neighbor's house down the hill?

Thankfully, this past week's severe houseslide didn't lead to anyone's death. BUT! Will that stop these people from moving into new hillside houses? I doubt it.

Yes, L.A. can afford some stunning views from various hillsides, but it's not worth it. If rain, fires, and quakes only happened once a century then maybe it would be worth it. But every year you're guaranteed at least one of the three events will happen, quickly eroding your home's foundation until.. TTFN!

C'mon, fellow Angeleno's -- if you want a nice view of the city, then take a drive to one of the numerous lookouts and take a nice photo. But build your house on the ground floor! Not only does it minimize the chance that you and your possessions will be destroyed one day, it'll also give the precious hillsides back to the environment and to the animals and wildlife that were living there before you decided "Golly gosh, my life isn't complete without a panoramic view of tall buildings enshrouded in smog"!!!