It's Official: Los Angeles To Be Renamed Los Fuegos

(Psst. Los Fuegos means "The Fires".)

The past week, Los Angeles has been freezing. Frigid. Cold. Icy.

How cold?

105 DEGREES FAHRENHEIT COLD.



It has been so hot that within five minutes of going outside, your will to live has melted away, leaving you a wasted, useless wreck the rest of the day.

Usually, Labor Day is a great three-day weekend to get out, barbeque, have fun, and bid adieu to Summer. This year it's a three-day weekend to cower near the air conditioner, barbeque (using an oven), barbeque (yourself. Not food), and watch small children and the elderly burst into flames when they step outside.

It. Is. Miserable.

Right now, it is 11:04 PM Pacific Daylight Time and Burbank is a brisk 91 DEGREES. Where's my jacket?? (Straightjacket, that is).

Hurricanes

First, the good news: Sounds like the hurricane moving towards the Big Island is quickly running out of steam and will most likely grace the southern edge of the island. So, while Kona may get some extra rain and some flooding, that's a lot less damage than what a Category 4 Hurricane could wreak.

Now, the bad news: The hurricane's name is.... ready?... FLOSSIE.

Hurricane Flossie.

That just doesn't sound right. Like naming a hurricane Bozo or Mookie. All fine names, indeed, but not for hurricanes. Hurricanes are powerful, destructive blasts of weather. They should have mean, destructive names. Hurricane Bin Laden. Hurricane Muthaf***ah. Hurricane Kissyoassgoodbye. Hurricane Bush. Got the idea?

I Googled "Flossie" and found this:


Flossie and The Singing Sisters.

Does Flossie look like somebody who could take lives and destroy towns? She looks like a nice, friendly, probably very talented singer.

Naming a hurricane Flossie makes you think that, instead of wanting to destroy your home and everything you've worked for, this hurricane wants to come over, chat, have some tea and those little cucumber sandwiches and maybe sing some gospels with you. So misleading.