Amazing Race!!!

You can take your Big Brother *. You can keep your Survivor **.

The Amazing Race is back on. This is the king of reality shows. A race around the world. The fun of watching twelve teams of hapless Americans bickering, whining, and flaunting "American cultural superiority" in the face of "lesser" cultures.

Watching people raised on Wonder Bread and Miracle Whip grimmacing as they gulp down fish eyeballs to continue. Watching out-of-shape city folk attempt to climb a portion of the Great Wall of China, chanting the mantra "I can't do this!!!" over and over again. Watching a couple who said their relationship is solid turn into bickering kids over which direction the next Pit Stop is. Watching the English-speaking-only racers think the way to communicate to someone who doesn't speak the language is to TALK. LOUDER. AND. SLOWER..

This is brilliant television.

* I dunno about Big Brother. Once the two most deserving people, Will and Janelle, were kicked out, I could have cared less who won. Boogie only made it to the end on Will's coattails and Erika didn't deserve to win because she's just scary to look at and whiny to boot.

** Is it me or did the whole "race card" twist this season fall flat on its face right from the start? I had a feeling the producers were hoping the island would erupt into a race war with opposing teams trying to terrorize each other with drive by fish spearings and Molotov coconuts. Instead, everyone acknowledged that they were divided by race, then proceeded to get along just fine and act like every, single other Survivor competetor in the past. I get it -- we could end racial conflict by dumping everyone on an island and offer a cash prize of a million dollars and fifteen minutes of fame!